Things People Don't Understand: Ghosts

Since they came out with an iPhone application, every day I have been enjoying listening to people endure their shitty day to day problems on FML. People complain about some ordeal they have gotten to that apparently represents how shitty their lives are which would cause somebody to exclaim "F*** my life!"

Readers also get the chance to declare whether "Yes, your life is f***ed" or "You deserve it."

So just take a time to check out this entry. For those too lazy to click the link:

"Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies,"Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML"

Naturally I assumed that the comments were going to be a bunch of people berating him for throwing away the deal of a lifetime because of the old owner's imaginary friends, but no. The comments are overwhelmingly supportive.

The website is almost designed for people to just berate people that have had a crappy time in life, but when it comes to ghosts, people are suddenly concerned with their well being.

Now I guess I've suspected it for a while, but I never wanted to believe it myself:

People are watching Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State, A Haunting, etc., not because they like to laugh at it ironically, but because they believe that these people are dealing with the important issues of our time!

Lets take a look at some of the facts about ghosts.

1. They only show up to believers
Just like every imaginary friend a child ever has. But that is when you say:

2. Kids are especially sensetive to ghosts
Kids are more likely to "see" things in a dark forest, closet or under the bed, yes. Guess what, its a beneficial trait for a small child to not want to go into the dark woods or small dark areas. They could get eaten by lions or bears, at least traditionally. Back in tribal times, if a kid believed in ghosts he would get eaten less than a kid who liked to wander away from his family, hence the "wander away from family" gene didn't survive as well as the "believe in scary monsters" gene.

3. Why would anybody lie about being haunted?
Some people lie about ghosts for attention, but I believe that is the vast minority. I think most people really do believe they are being haunted, just like kids really believe that there are monsters in their closet or invisible friends if they are bored and living in an understimulating environment (many ghosts appear to kids in old farm houses, isolated from other kids and needing stimulation).

4. Ghosts have been seen in pictures
No they haven't.


There sure seem to be a lot of scary ghosts in that picture above. But wait...

Turns out the sun is shooting ghosts right through that fish! Its a lens flare. It happens in digital photography. The orbs in the first picture above are from all the irregular reflections of the flash against snow. But wait, you say! What about before digital photography? My old film camera used to get pictures of "ghosts" all the time. It was because the camera had seen better days, it was broken and light was able to get inside. Plus the film could be old and degraded allowing for imperfections.

5. Sometimes people get the feeling they are being watched
Have you ever walked down a back alley at night? Especially if you are a girl, and you have your wits about you, you will probably feel paranoid and worry about being watched and mugged. Creepy places make people feel uneasy. Odds are more people have died in my condo building than any given farmhouse, but it isn't creepy and its very well maintained, so nobody assumes that it is haunted.

Now lots of people have that "you can't possible explain away this particular crazy event" and given enough time and clarity about the event in question, but I'm sure I could, but ultimately, you have a really cool story to tell your friends. So don't let me ruin that for you.